Are you Joshua?

Tonight, my sisters and I had a long supper at one of our favorite local restaurants. The place was incredibly busy, and the wait staff could not keep up despite their very best efforts. Even as we left at 9:00, they were still hurrying, trying to take care of everyone. As my sister stood to pay her check she began to laugh, loudly. As I followed her eyes, I saw a young boy, probably about 7 or 8-years-old. He was standing, unattended in front of a full-sheet cake that read "Feliz Cumpleanos Joshua." He was using a fork to shovel the corner of the cake into his mouth as fast as he possibly could. It was obvious that despite the area this boy had recently demolished, the rest of the cake had not yet been cut into. My sister almost asked if he was Joshua, but she was afraid he might say no.

Saying Goodnight

Today, my family and I are laughing and crying as we remember the life of my almost 90-year-old grandfather. He is one of the strongest characters in the story of our family, and our memories seem endless. At dinner tonight, I remembered a beautiful passage from a book I recently read.

The Hummingbird's Daughter is the story of Teresa (Teresita) Urrea, a young girl who was believed to have healing powers given to her by God after rising from the dead after three days. After her ressurection, she speaks with the old curandera, Huila, about life after death. Huila is worried because she knows she will die soon, and Teresita says that she will not be able to come back the way she has. Huila is somewhat afraid of death. But, Teresita reassures her that is like when you have a baby that is refusing to fall asleep. You know it's what their body needs, and you are sure that as soon as they fall asleep, their face will have that look of peace, and they will even smile and sometimes laugh. So, you endure their screaming and squirming because you know how important that sleep is and that is the only way to achieve that peace.

Fifteen years ago, my grandfather dropped dead in the living room. An off-duty police officer heard my grandmother's 911 call and arrived in time to do CPR until the paramedics arrived. The whole family gathered around him to say goodbye, but he wasn't ready to say goodnight just yet. He fought, and he fought hard. That fight allowed him to see four grandchildren graduate both high school and college, two grandchildren get married, and two great-grandchildren enter this world and giggle at his touch. Today, he laid down for a nap and never woke up. He was finally ready to say goodnight.

Peace in the Backyard

In the past few weeks, we have received a new student in my class that I'll call Jack. He is quite large and looks older than most of the children. He is very quiet and withdrawn. He struggles to keep his temper under control. The students quickly picked up on his mood and avoided him as readily as he avoided them.

I have another student who I have blogged about before, Shawn. He is eager for attention and has a genuinely big heart. He also misses social cues when it comes to another student. We've had to talk repeatedly that when the little girl he's crushing on screams, "Shut-up" at him over and over, he probably should consider leaving her alone. Shawn also is fairly small and has more of a little boy appearance to him.

One day, my co-teacher and I were in the middle of a conversation off to the side of how to begin to incorporate our new student into our class and into a group. Suddenly, my para came over to get my attention. Shawn had pulled his chair up next to Jack and was animatedly telling him a story. Jack looked unsure, but was tolerating the story, for lack of a better word. I couldn't tell what Shawn was saying, but it was the most I'd seen him talk to anyone but a teacher in a long time.

Watching them, I had this image of my brother-in-law's black lab who once lived with their toy dachshund. They were brothers and protective of each other. But sometimes, the tiny one would yap and yap in the big dog's face, and the lab would just stare at him. We were always happy they got along but terrified that at any given moment the lab could snap and eat the dachshund for breakfast.

Thankfully, at the moment, there is still peace in the backyard.

Those with the least...

Today, I was taking attendance in my most difficult class as they attempted to settle down from lunch. They often bring the left-overs of their meal to class with them and enjoy as they do bellwork. One of my very special babies, Shawn, was sitting in front of me. He has to sit very close to me during class as he requires a great deal of attention. He is a wonderful young man who has captured the hearts of many of his teachers, including those who do not have him in class.

As the class worked, Shawn let out a large sigh. He turned to me and said, "Miss, I sure wish I had some chips." I told him, "I wish you did too. But, I didn't buy those students theirs. They bought them with their own money." He responded, "Well, you know Miss, you could buy some large bags of chips, and we could all eat out of them." I laughed and said, "Who would pay for them? I'm a bit tight on money right now." He said, "I'd give you the money." I just smiled and urged him to get back to work. I know he doesn't have the money to spend on chips for the class.

A few seconds later, he turned around again. "Miss, I know what we can do, just me and you. I can buy some soda, and you can buy some chips, and I can buy some little plastic cups. And we'll a throw party for the whole class on the 18th, just me and you." I smiled again, loving that he wanted to have this special little secret with me and share with the whole class. Then, as if he could read the doubts in my mind he said, "Cause my mom is going to get a $1,000 check for babysitting, and she's going to give me $30 for helping." Wow! What little he has, he wants to give to the class. I agreed to organizing a party with just him, but maybe close to time we could invite the other students to help provide the snacks so he could save some of that money for himself. He thought that was a pretty good compromise.

About thirty minutes later, I ran into a fellow teacher getting onto him for putting on a vest that was not uniform. She told him he should wear a white long-sleeved shirt underneath his short-sleeve polo so he wouldn't be cold. After dancing around the issue for a minute, he admitted that he didn't have any at home. I realized his family didn't have the resources to provide him with them, and I knew the weather was going to be even colder tomorrow. I decided to immediately take him "shopping" in the office of our social worker. While in her office, it came out that he was also waiting on a donated winter coat. When she informed us that the donations had not arrived as planned today, I think I was more disappointed than he was. As my face fell, she suddenly remembered she'd gotten just one coat yesterday, and it was his size! He tried it on and paraded around the room in his brand new coat. (It even still had the tags on it!) He pointed out that it had originally cost a whole $13. All I could think was, "And this was the baby who wanted to spend his precious $30 on snacks for his class."

Love from a distance

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and hanging out with my dad. While Daegan napped, I got on to do some work on the computer and was pleasantly surprised when my sister in Chicago signed on to Skype. We talked for a while, and then she sent me the message "James would like to see you." Apparently, my nephew recognized the Skype message sounds and was eager to see who mommy was talking to. He uses Skype to talk to grandma regularly and his dad when he's away.

I jumped on my dad's computer, which has a camera, and was rewarded by a very excited nephew when my face appeared on the screen. He clapped and laughed. Then he kept looking at his mom like, "Do you see this? That's my aunt!"

Every time I talked, he would laugh and laugh. He grabbed his blankie and started playing, "Where'd the baby go" with me via the internet. I was marveling at the miracle of technology that I could play such an old game with my nephew from such a distance. He's too young to talk, so the telephone is no fun, but being able to see each other's faces is such a gift. About the time I'm thinking what a miracle this is, I make kissy noises at him (I'm known in our family as the kissy aunt because since they were born, I have smothered the boys in kisses. They both love it now and lean in for more kisses.) He leaned in towards the computer screen for kisses. A meltdown quickly followed when he realized he couldn't actually receive my kisses. His mommy tried to substitute her own, but it didn't work. His frustration grew to heartbreak, and we had to say good-bye and sign off. Technology is a miracle, but it still can't make kissy aunt truly appear in his living room.

Baby Pics

As I was going through my Snapfish account the other day, I found a whole collection of childhood pictures of my sisters and me that I had scanned in as part of a mother's day present a few years ago. I couldn't help noticing how much the next generation of Bennett babies resembles the previous.

Aunt Arvilla (left) Daegan (right)

Aunt Patricia (left) Daegan (right)

Mommy Leslee (left) Daegan (right)

Practical Magic

I feel like I spend many of my days dealing in the business of broken hearts. Sometimes it's a true love shattered at 12. Sometimes it's a student who's been called an awful name. Sometimes it's a parent recently deported. I often find myself without the right words or tools to fix these hearts. I offer what love I can, and hope it's enough to get them through that day.

Tonight I found myself at my sister's, pouring out my own recent heartbreak. During the course of the evening, we started reminiscing about childhood. A story came up about my youngest sister. She had a few unique habits that still reduce her older sisters to hysterical laughter. For instance, she loved to get Mom's cinnamon tic-tacs, eat them until they got too hot for her two-year-old mouth, and then spit them out. More times than we could count there would be a trail of half-eaten candy down the hallway.

One of her other habits had to do with injuries. She loved band-aids, loved wearing them, putting them on her dolls, and decorating with them. Our other sister reminded me that we always had to have the plain ones because Mom couldn't afford to keep the cartoon ones in stock.

My mom also had this really amazing spray that had an anesthetic in it. It was a miracle on cuts, burns, and scrapes. We called it the "magic spray." Often, our youngest sister would pretend to be injured. Mom or I would put her up on the counter, where we would notice nothing was wrong. She would be crying real tears and insist on the "magic spray." We learned to grab the bottle, make the hissing sound with our mouths, put on a beloved band-aid, and kiss the "injured" spot. She would wipe her tears away, kiss us on the cheek, say a quick "I love you", and return to playing.

For a brief moment, I wished there was a "magic spray" for our grown-up injuries. They seem to cut deeper and take longer to heal. But even as we told the story, I received a sweet text message from a close friend, and my sister continued to make me laugh. I suddenly realized with relief that the magic was never in the spray.